When the world attempts to destroy you, when you have nothing left, what options are really there? Who would you turn to, when you’re losing your mind and need that simple little kiss to your cheek, to hear somebody telling you that you’re safe, you’re okay, that you aren’t worthless? Sometimes, we don’t get that luxury. How can you pick yourself up, when the ground under you is shaking, and your balance is shit in the first place?
“You have to learn.”
Or, that’s what I’ve been told. The earthquakes will pass, the tears will stop, and eventually, you’ll see that there’s no demons under the bed. No, those things you fear aren’t hiding; they’re right beside you, waiting until they see the crack in the glass.
“Breathe; it’s just a memory.”
Not so easy.
“It’s in the past.”
Is that why I still wake up soaked in sweat and crying?
“Nobody’s gonna hurt you with me here.”
Then why the fuck did it ever happen in the first place?
Sometimes, the people you care for the most don’t understand. My case is with my old friend, but he doesn’t seem to grasp my state of mind when I’m having a down night. I trust him more than any other male, but that doesn’t mean I trust his words.
“It isn’t your fault.”
Fucking prove it.
“Why’re ya cryin’?”
Because you’re not here. Because I can’t feel you beside me like I once did. Cuz you aren’t seeing the much larger fractures, and because you’re a fucking idiot and I love you so much. You’re the reason I’m still here.
“Stand back up.”
I’m tryin’.
“You need to do this.”
I know.
“You know I”m here for you.”
I just wish you could grasp the reality of how much it hurts to never shut up your mind, to the point of needing sleeping medication and pain pills to finally knock out for a single night, only to still suffer from the night terrors that leave me breathless and triggered. Why can’t you see the ache in my eyes, see the way the burn rises through my veins, and how quickly I become numb to my environment?
“It will be better.”
I trust you. Even if I can’t hug you, I trust you. After all I’ve been through, I can honestly say that I trust you more than anybody else with the racing thoughts that you can sense. If only you could really understand the pain, too, my guardian.
If only the sadness would end.
Rhyter Lee's Cove of Creation 